May you have an Easy Fast

The Triangle Mirror would like to wish our Jewish friends an Easy Fast for  Yom Kippur. According to Wikipedia Yom Kippur is one of the most holy days in the Jewish calendar.

"Yom Kippur is the tenth day of the month of Tishrei. According to Jewish tradition, God inscribes each person's fate for the coming year into a book, the Book of Life, on Rosh Hashanah, and waits until Yom Kippur to "seal" the verdict. During the Days of Awe, a Jew tries to amend his or her behavior and seek forgiveness for wrongs done against God (bein adam leMakom) and against other human beings (bein adam lechavero). The evening and day of Yom Kippur are set aside for public and private petitions and confessions of guilt (Vidui). At the end of Yom Kippur, one considers one's self absolved by God."

As I read this I can't help but wonder, do I need atonement and absolution? It is my intention to live by the golden rule and I generally try to be kind to everyone, but do I sometimes miss the mark? Does our community, the Louisville LGBTI community, do we need absolution because we continually "miss the mark"? Well I do not believe that we do, but a bit of self reflection on all our parts might be in order.

I’m “hijacking” Yom Kippur as our own, for just this reason.

I remember from my days as a young person in a very fundamentalist Christian sect, being taught that Jesus took our place as a sacrifice. Is it that easy? I also am encouraged to think back over the past months and even years of my life and wonder about the many things I have done that would be serious enough, bad enough, to need absolution. Part of me regrets the fact that my belief system now does not include something so "black and white". It was so much simpler when I could judge someone using a clear cut definition of what was good and what was bad. That judgment was even swifter when I was judging myself. But at least I knew where I stood.

As the years continue to pile on I have begun to realize that yes even I play the role of Villain and Victim. Since I am not a Jew have I missed the boat and will G-D seal my fate and be more harsh since I did not try to make amends, all I can say is I hope not! Actually I can say I know that he/she will not and in that regard I take solace.

Since I am not Jewish and I've already missed the "days of awe", I believe as a community we should understand that we are in fact creating our destiny for the coming year. This destiny will also be sealed and recorded. The difference is that we are the author of our story. Each day we wake up and make a conscious or subconscious decision regarding the paths our lives will take, and it is "black and white". I believe this book is written using a universal word processor (flash from the past). If we do not like the way the storyline is going, we just backspace/erase and start over.

I remember hearing Marianne Williamson say that whatever you listened to, read or saw in the first five minutes of your day will set the tone for whole day, and I believe that is true. So I challenge you, Jews, Christians, Pagans, Muslims, whatever hat/collar/habit/cloak you wear. Be kind when you are writing your story, to yourself and others. I also challenge you to "make amends" with anyone you may have hurt or wronged over the past year. It is amazing and renewing when the words I am sorry are uttered in sincerity.



Once this is done;

• Move forward BOLDLY.

• Live life FULLY.

• Love with PASSION.

• Defend the weak with FERVOR.

• Speak of others and yourself with LOVE.

• Laugh with ABANDON.

Those of you who know me know that this is not an edict of my own goodness; I need to hear these words as much or more than anyone. My reason for this post is that I truly believe life is tough enough out there without us adding to the drama and hurt. So in honor of Yom Kippur I am posting this with respect and sincerity.

ARE GAY MEN INCLINED TOWARDS SPIRITUALITY?

So many people these days say they are "spiritual but not religious." When asked what this means they tend to give examples rather than define terms. Some speak of peak experiences in nature, with music and art, food, lovemaking. Others say they believe there's a planetary spirit or universal oversoul which regulates life.

Some of us are spiritual and religious. When I lived in Manhattan, a significant percentage of males who were regular and active congregants in mainline churches were gay. This was especially true of churches with elaborate liturgies -- "smells and bells.". There was the Metropolitan Community Church, the Gay and Lesbian Synagogue, Dignity, and Integrity. New York was a good place to check out God.

Are we more inclined towards spirituality than straight men? Is there something in our psyches that compels us to seek answers, acceptance, solace? Howard Thurman, an influential African American preacher and theologian of the last century, subtitled his short book Jesus and the Disinherited. Are we all, employed or not, affluent or struggling, A-List or trailer park, deep down still the disinherited? Is there that in us which identifies with oppression, marginalization, depersonalization? Do these social pathologies drive us to seek a higher acceptance or integration? Do we seek enlightening to be able to reach equilibrium or a broader understanding of society's ills?

In my experience gay men, no matter how integrated into heterosexual society, at some level still perceive themselves to be "other." We aren't just regular guys whose only difference is that we prefer a penis to a vagina. We are wired differently. We understand love and sex in ways not bound by societal expectation. And we bear the wound our society inflicts on us in subtle and overt ways deep in our flesh. Some of us drink, drug, or screw our way to oblivion but we can't party away our sense of fundamental difference.

Our drive towards spirituality comes not only from our sense of difference and oppression. It also comes from the creative urge which bridging the male-female divide engenders. You don't have to refer to another man as "Miss Thing" to understand that camp, farce, outrageousness, color, and physical beauty are tools in the gay palette. We are the designers, choreographers, chefs, and lyricists as well as the teachers, nurses, 911 operators, and clergy. Our spirituality is in part a result of what songwriter Jacques Brel called our "brave new fuck you stance."

Wounded or outraged, gay men seek our place in the sun. And if we have to invent a religion to celebrate our acceptance by the God whom playwright Bruce Jay Friedman described as a Puerto Rican drag queen with plucked eyebrows wearing a silk komono (Steambath): gentlemen, to your knees!

Peter Schogol

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I had the good fortune of meeting Peter and his partner John several months ago.  I received a call on a Saturday morning from a man who wanted to discuss moving to Louisville and possibly purchasing a home. As a Realtor, I prepared as I normally would by gathering property information etc....we met at the Pita Hut, and over mint tea began to talk about what they wanted in regard to a home.  It didn't take long for me to realize that my relationship with he and John would be one of business AND personal, they are both just nice folks. Peter, orginally from NYC and John, orginally from Eastern Kentucky now live in Lexington.  John plays softball with the Gay Softball League in Louisville and as work allows Peter joins me in the stands to watch. They are both unassuming and quiet, but when they speak it is worth a listen. I asked Peter to be a "guest blogger" as I value his opinion and respect his intellect.  They are unassuming and quiet but when they speak it is worth a listen.
 
This subject matter is one of interest to me.  I have always been on what I consider a spiritual quest.  My connection with the divine is important to me, but not easily defined.  Please feel free to leave comments or questions. 
 
Continued Bliss,
Jeff Johnson
JAJohnsonKY@gmail.com

I am what I am....so get over it.

Hello Friends,


The article below was submitted by a newly made friend of mine. He has chosen to remain anonymous, not out of fear or embarassment, but out of respect for his family. This young man is kind, intelligent and happy. He is loved by a handsome man and by his friends and that is all that matters to him.

He like so many of us are faced with the balancing act of "living our lives" and not "hurting" others.

As I read his words my heart hurt, truly hurt. Not just for him, but for his family and for those "little ones" who are going to be met with the same ignorance and misunderstanding. By sharing his story, he makes it just a little easier for someone else; isn't that what it is all about. None of us...I repeat NONE of US get out of this alive, so lets try to make things just a bit better for those coming after us.

And for those who would Hate, and you know who you are, rember the words of the wise RuPaul, "BE NICE, there are enough bitchy queens out there". 
Continued Bliss and have a wonderful week.

Jeff Johnson


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Growing up in a strict Irish Catholic family, I always believed whatever I heard from the pulpit and from my devout mother. I loved my faith and believed it completely as only a young child can…blindly and without question. I started to question all of this my senior year in high school…the year I first started to realize that men were what I was interested in. The thought of growing up gay horrified me. I didn't know how my parents would react and I definitely did not know what to do with these emotions. I wanted to continue doing what I thought was "the right" thing…to deny who/what I was….unfortunately, as I got older, this became harder and harder to do.

I was away from home at college when I realized that I was gay…I had gone through the whole bisexual step ("Bi now, gay later," was a statement that would come true much to my dismay) and realized there was no fighting it. Unfortunately, college had to end and I had to return home. I was living at home with my parents as a recent college graduate, a devout Catholic and a closeted homosexual living with an unbearable amount of guilt. I continued to live the way I thought my parents wanted me to live as I spun lie after lie about where I was going at night and who I was with. I attended church, went to reconciliation (more commonly referred to as "confession") and tried like hell to fight what I was so scared to become….an openly gay man. Eventually, as all secrets tend to do (and like my sexuality), everything came exploding out. After hiding who I was for so long, I came out to my two brothers. My older brother went and immediately told my parents.

As I was sneaking home one night from a late night excursion at Connections, I walked into my parent's house to be greeted by my tearful mother and the fists of my father. My dad took his aggression and sadness out the only way he knew how…physically and verbally. Amid punches and shouts of, "SODOMITE!", I cursed my family for their hatred and ignorance. I ran out of the house and didn't return home for two years.

Eventually, I returned home to my family after my mother tracked me down and told me to come home. My parents wanted me to be happy and to them, homosexuality led only to unhappiness, loneliness, and moral decay. In an act I would later come to interpret as their love, they sent me to straight camp (yes, such things do exist). I don't remember much of the details of this camp, but I do remember being taught to deny my "impure impulses", seek God's council, and ask for help in fighting my sickness. I came home determined more than ever to become what my parents wanted…a cured homosexual who celebrated his faith. I started reading books by psychologists who believed homosexuality was merely a psychological ailment. I believed all this and continued to march forward on my path to "recovery".

Unfortunately, recovery never came..nor did peace of mind. I moved out of my parents house and became better at hiding who I was. I flirted with drugs, excessive alcohol, and promiscuity. I was looking for something that told me being gay was okay. After months of sex, drugs and destructive behavior I realized I was a mere shade of what I had once been. I realized if I were to be truly happy, I had to reconcile my religion and my sexuality…two gigantic parts of what made up me. The challenge became then to reconcile these two dueling beasts within me.

I was attending reconciliation at a church downtown in attempt stay morally pure. I had been trying to not have sex but was failing. As I was confessing all of my sins I finally spoke of sex to the priest. He asked me, "Sex with men or women?" I was scared and shocked but seeing as I was confessing, I told him the truth. The reply I received next shook my spiritual core. "Son, you are sick and need help. Having sex with men isn't right at all!" I was devastated. Hearing what I felt to be true within me reduced me to tears. I hurriedly finished my confession …shamed and embarrassed. However, it did not end there. The priest followed me out of the confessional (ignoring countless people seeking absolution) and attempted to see what I looked like. I was so humiliated I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and ran from the church.

My immediate response to the church and its teachings was venomous. I swore to never listen to another prayer, sermon, or mass. Living with all that venom though wasn't healthy. Eventually there comes a time in your life that you need to grow up and flourish. In order to do that, all negativity needs to be removed from your life. I slowly came to realize that religion was a perfect idea that ran thru an imperfect medium…man.

It is easy for us as homosexual men and women to want to point a finger at an institution and blame it. We have grown up with the stares, the guilt, and many times, the hate. However, if we are to be a community that preaches love and acceptance, we need to believe and live it down to our core. If you ask any homosexual what the Catholic church says about homosexuality they will more often than not respond with something negative. In fact, the actual teaching is that BEING a homosexual isn't wrong…it is the act itself of homosexual sex. Sex before marriage is wrong…whether you are gay or straight (according to the church). Now I know it just isn't possible to cloister yourself off from the world and live like a hermit..believe me, I have tried it! So here is where you have a choice. You can go through life hating the church, the people who attend mass, and those who spread God's word….or, you can choose to realize that the universal message that religion teaches in itself is beautiful. Religion seeks to keep us on the right track spiritually and morally. But these messages can get tainted by people's ignorance and hate.

It is our job to recognize this and serve as an example. Showing our capacity for love instead of hate is true enlightenment. The mediator between the brain and the muscles must be the heart. In our faith, we must remember, love is a stronger message than hate and true religion is about love…not hate.